Talking It Through
by Fabulous 32
Summary: Bianca's heart is breaking and she needs to talk to someone.
1. Chapter 1

**Talking it through.**

**All the characters (bar one) belong to AMC. I only borrow them.**

**Bianca's heart is breaking and she needs to talk to someone. **

…

Dr Howard Stanhope checked through his patient list for the day and noticed a familiar name in the 3pm slot. Now as a therapist he was supposed to remain impartial, but he had to admit he was very fond for this particular patient.

...

Bianca Montgomery was first brought into his office by her mother. The young woman had found the courage to come out as a lesbian and her mother had wanted him to 'fix' her. Dr Stanhope had a preconceived idea about how the daughter of Erica Caine would behave. He had expected a spoilt little rich girl just acting up for the shock value. He couldn't have been more wrong. She was a very honest and genuinely pleasant young woman. There were obviously issues, the fear of disappointing her family because of her homosexuality, the pressures of being in the spot light because of who her mother was, the on-going management of her eating disorder, and her grief at losing her father. He talked her through her worries but Bianca proved herself to be a strong, confident and compassionate woman and the sessions ended quite naturally in just a few months.

When Bianca next came back to him as a patient she was completely changed. The bottom had dropped out of her world, she had been raped and her terror so great she was plagued with nightmares and hallucinations. Dr Stanhope did his best to help her process her pain, find ways to express it; confront it; accept it. She took in every word and fought back hard. She went to trial and faced her attacker in an open court room. She worked so hard to make that step only for another blow to knock her back, the case was lost, her attacker walked free, and she found out she was pregnant with her rapist's child.

It was the pregnancy that made Dr Stanhope realise just how truly amazing a young woman Miss Bianca Montgomery was. Despite the ugliness of the child's conception she loved her unborn baby. She loved the child so much she walked away from the abortion clinic. She loved the child so much she kept it a secret so it would never know the shame of its origins. She loved the child so much she killed her rapist to protect her baby and herself. She got through it all. Rebuilt her world around the tiny baby that was growing inside of her, she found her reason to smile again.

One violent storm and a helicopter crash was all it took to steal is all away again. Her child was gone, no body, no trace, nothing to hold on to. Bianca was lost once more, fallen back down to the bottom of the deep dark hole she had so painfully and valiantly pulled herself out of.

This time the recovery was harder, this time there were more painful distractions to drag her back down, but she never stopped fighting, never stopped searching for a way back and Dr Stanhope was so proud. All Bianca's dedication and determination were rewarded in the most perfect way possible, her child was returned, her beautiful baby girl alive and well.

As time passed, Dr Stanhope saw Bianca less and less. Sometimes when she was in Pine Valley she would make an appointment and she would use him as a sounding board when her relationships got too complicated, or her concerns about her family were too great. Dr Stanhope enjoyed helping Bianca sort through her families many dramas, and shared in her grief when she nursed a broken heart.

...

Dr Stanhope read through his patient's more recent notes. Since Bianca had returned to Pine Valley, over a year ago now, he had seen her a few times. The first sessions had been to help her work through her feelings surrounding her divorce and the custody battle for her children. The outcome had been a good one, Bianca had kept custody of her two daughters and the sessions were ended by Miss Montgomery herself so that she could focus all her attention on finding her missing mother.

When she next came into his office she had been assaulted and held hostage, and was very shaken up. The trauma was intensified by memories of her earlier rape and she was having trouble handling her fear. It took several sessions to find the best ways to manage her panic attacks and move beyond the insecurity that plagued her at unexpected moments. With the support of family and friends she found her feet again with a speed and strength that Dr Stanhope was on awe of.

Dr Stanhope wondered what Bianca wanted to work through today.

When Bianca walked into the office she greeted the doctor with a warm smile, but there was a trace of sadness in her eyes.

"How can I help you today Bianca?" asked Doctor Stanhope, as he watched his patient take a seat on the couch. Bianca took a moment to settle, picking up a cushion and hugging it to her in an unconscious pursuit of comfort.

"I think I've lost my best friend." she said sadly.

Not the most earth shattering of confessions, but knowing Bianca as he did, Dr Stanhope was sure there was a lot more going on underneath. He waited in silence until Bianca felt ready to continue.

"I've mess everything up so badly and I don't know how to fix it."

"What happened?" asked the doctor, prompting Bianca to process her feelings from the beginning.

"I mentioned before about my friend Marissa. She was the lawyer who won my divorce case."

Dr Stanhope nodded flicking through his notes,

"She was also held prisoner with you after your attack. You said she was one of the closest friends you'd had for a long time. I did feel in our last session there was something you were holding back."

Bianca gave him an uncomfortable smile,

"I was falling in love with her. It's embarrassing. You know me, always falling from the straight girl."

"From what I recall most of the women you have been attracted to, despite appearances, proved anything but straight."

"And we also proved anything but happy in the end."

"You were very sure of your friendship with Marissa before, what happened to make it change?"

"I don't know, it was so unexpected. She had just been so supportive through my divorce. When we were trapped in that hotel closet she wouldn't stop until we were free; she kept my spirits up; she wouldn't let me be afraid; she was amazing. I guess it changed the way I saw her, changed what it meant when she smiled at me, when she took my hand. And there were so many smiles, so many moments of contact… of connection… I couldn't fight my feelings anymore."

"So you told her how you felt?"

"Not right away." Bianca looked a little awkward all of a sudden. "I thought it might scare her if she knew how much I… cared. I bought her this music box. It played the song her father sang to her when she was a child. The song made her feel safe. She sang it to me when we were tied up in that closet… We were both so shaken up after our ordeal with Ricky Torres I just wanted her to feel safe again, the way being with her made me feel. The trouble was after I'd bought it I realised it was so much more than a present between friends, it was essentially a declaration of how much I loved her."

"Did she like the gift?"

"She did, she treasured it." said Bianca, a guilty look on her face, "But I never gave it to her."

Dr Stanhope's brow wrinkled in confusion.

"I was ready to hand it to her," explained Bianca, "Ready to the take the risk, when JR walked in. He was her ex-husband and had been trying hard to win Marissa back. She had always resisted it, but that day she told me she wanted to give him another chance. I guess I panicked. I knew it was wrong to give her such a romantic gift, so I handed it to JR. I thought it would be better coming from someone she was willing to love."

"So you let him take the credit."

"It seemed the safest thing to do. But then he kept coming to me for advice. First he told me about a date he was planning; it would have been a disaster, so I gave him a couple of pointers. Marissa had told me she wanted to laugh so I suggested a comedy club or a day at the fair. It sort of spiralled from that. He kept asking for pointers, suggestions and I went along with it because I knew it was making Marissa happy, knew JR was giving Marissa everything I never could… But all of this didn't change how I felt about her, how much I adored her. It got to the point when I could barely let her touch me because I wanted her so much and I knew how wrong it was."

"So you decided to tell her the truth."

"I had booked this weekend at a resort by the lake. I had a business meeting scheduled but then the rest of the weekend would have been for me and the girls and I would have the time apart from Marissa I needed to get a grip of myself. Time to stop daydreaming over a woman I could never have."

"What changed?"

"Marissa invited herself and her son AJ along…"

Bianca looked down at the cushion on her lap and nervously tugged at a corner.

"I thought maybe it would be a good thing going away together, we would just be friends again, two mothers taking their children on a trip. That idea didn't last long. It was torture. She was so happy she kept holding my hand, smiling her stunning smile, and she didn't have a clue what it was doing to me. The last straw came when we were sat together on the bed watching TV. I couldn't tell you what was on; I was too busy trying not to stare at Marissa. She did this little wriggle, getting herself more settled on the bed and, oh God, it was all I could do not to run out of the room. That was the moment I knew I had to tell her, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was running scared. She could see it but she didn't know why. So I told her I was attracted to her."

"Those were the words you used? Attracted?"

"It felt safer than saying I was head over heels in love with her and it was taking all the strength I had not to kiss her."

"But she didn't take it well."

"No… yes… I don't know. It went better that I thought it would. She was a little on edge around me so she clearly was a little freaked, and I think, despite what she said, she wasn't entirely comfortable with it. She ran back to JR, but she trusted me to take care of her son, so I think our friendship survived relatively intact. When she talked to me the next day she seemed fine. She had got back together with JR, she had the family she always wanted and we were still friends. But then it all started going wrong. I decided I needed to move on so I asked a woman, Sienna, out on a date. I knew her from the Miranda Centre and I think we kind of hit it off. It wasn't much of a date in the end. We bumped into Marissa and JR at Krystal's and Marissa just acted so strangely. She was talking as if she was interested, as if she was happy for me, but she looked so… I don't know… scared. She practically ran away from me, twice. She must have said something to Sienna, or I must have stared too long, or smiled too much... One of us did something because after JR and Marissa left so did Sienna."

"Did she give a reason?"

"She thought Marissa and I wanted to be together. She didn't realise it was only a one way thing."

"And what do you think Marissa was afraid of."

"I think she had realised just what it meant for me to be attracted to her. All those hugs, smiles, when she held my hand, in her eyes it was all innocent, to me it meant so much more. I think it scared her."

"But if she is as supportive as you said why would she be afraid? Did you confront her about it?"

"It never got the chance. She found out about the music box. She got so angry; she accused me of lying and manipulating her. Suddenly I wasn't her friend; I was just a lesbian with a crush."

"She said that?"

"No, no I never gave her the chance. I just told her we shouldn't see each other anymore and then ran away."

"You were protecting your heart, and Bianca, that is not a crime."

"The worst part is she was right. I had pushed her into JR's arms. She believed he had changed, but it was all a lie, he was the same JR he had always been. All the things she had been falling in love with had come from me. I was so stupid. I thought I was making her happy, why didn't I see what I was really doing to her."

Bianca looked close to tears.

"Hindsight is a wonderful thing." said Dr Stanhope, putting aside his notes. "You know yourself how easy it is to drown in what ifs and maybes. What you did you did for good reasons; you did it out of love and you did it out of self-preservation. The next step is yours. You need to decide given the strength of your feelings if you can really still be friends with this woman. If the answer is yes then you have to be patient. I think what both of you need is time. From what you've told me you have no idea how this woman really feels about any of this, you have inferred your own fear of rejection onto Marissa. I believe your friend will see there was no malice behind your actions. Your relationship may not be exactly as it was but I don't think this Marissa would abandon you completely. You just have to be supportive and understanding, which is something I know you excel at."

Bianca gave Dr Stanhope a sad smile and nodded.

When the time was up, Bianca left, her smile a little more hopeful. Dr Stanhope sighed, if any one deserved to find happiness it was Bianca. He would keep his fingers crossed that it would work out alright.

…

Dr Stanhope's 4pm appointment was a last minute transfer. Dr Hewlett had to rush to hospital after her son broke his leg. He hadn't left himself much time to read through the case notes. The woman had been seeing Dr Hewlett after an assault, probably a patient from the Miranda Centre. The case history proved surprisingly lengthy. He read through the notes, it was little wonder she was in need of counselling. She had been sold as a baby, lost her parents in a car crash, been shot… He hadn't even gotten to the recent records when his new patient arrived.

She wasn't what he had been expecting; a pretty red head who greeted him with a warm smile, but there was a trace of nervousness behind her eyes.

"How can I help you today…?" began Doctor Stanhope, he flicked back to the front of the file to try and find her name.

"Marissa." she said helpfully. Dr Stanhope looked up in surprise. Was this Bianca's Marissa?

He watched his patient take a seat on the couch. The woman mirrored Bianca's movements almost exactly, taking a moment to settle, before picking up the cushion and hugging it to her, it was probably still warm.

"I think I've fallen in love with my best friend." she said nervously

Now _that _was an earth shattering revelation. Dr Stanhope tried very hard not to smile…


	2. Chapter 2

**Talking in through - Part 2**

**Marissa's POV as requested by hoshininegaio **

**(And wasn't todays episode just amazing!)**

_Dr Stanhope's 4pm appointment was a last minute transfer. Dr Hewlett had to rush to hospital after her son broke his leg. He hadn't left himself much time to read through the case notes. The woman had been seeing Dr Hewlett after an assault, probably a patient from the Miranda Centre. The case history proved surprisingly lengthy. He read through the notes, it was little wonder she was in need of counselling. She had been sold as a baby, lost her parents in a car crash, been shot… He hadn't even gotten to the recent records when his new patient arrived._

_She wasn't what he had been expecting; a pretty red head who greeted him with a warm smile, but there was a trace of nervousness behind her eyes._

"_How can I help you today…?" began Doctor Stanhope, he flicked back to the front of the file to try and find her name._

"_Marissa." she said helpfully. Dr Stanhope looked up in surprise. Was this Bianca's Marissa?_

_He watched his patient take a seat on the couch. The woman mirrored Bianca's movements almost exactly, taking a moment to settle, before picking up the cushion and hugging it to her, it was probably still warm. _

"_I think I've fallen in love with my best friend." she said nervously_

_Now that was an earth shattering revelation. Dr Stanhope tried very hard not to smile…_

…

It was hard not to show his excitement as he waited for Marissa to continue.

"I'm in love with a woman and I'm terrified."

"Maybe it would be best to start at the beginning." suggested Doctor Stanhope.

Marissa nodded and pulled the pillow a little closer.

"When I first met Bianca I was so star struck, the daughter of Erica Kane wanted to be my friend! It took me a little while to get used to that. I wouldn't call us close, but she and her sister helped me through some difficult times and our kids were great friends so we chatted at play dates and school functions. It was just a casual friendship. When she asked me to help her with her divorce of course I said yes. I'd just gone through a divorce of my own and I knew how important it was to have people on your side. She didn't think it would be that complicated, but oh it was horrible. Bianca doing everything she could to be fair to Reese and their daughters, and then Reese petitions for full custody of children she hadn't seen for months!"

Marissa sighed.

"That was the time our friendship changed. Case meetings became long lunches or afternoons playing with kids. I just remembering one day we were sharing a slice of chocolate cake and that was it, we were best friends."

Marissa smiled self-consciously,

"I think I was a little in love with her even then. She is just the most amazing woman! We were so close and it felt natural. I guess I had a bit of a crush; it was silly whenever I was with her I just found myself grinning like a fool. I don't think I even realised what I was doing, well not until Bianca won the custody hearing. JR my ex-husband had been doing everything to get me back; he was such a charmer… I kissed him and the first thing I did was run to Bianca. It was only really when I stepped off the plane at St. Bart's, ready to interrupt her mother's wedding no less, that I saw the implications of what I had done. I told myself I was there to tell Bianca about winning the case, but really I just wanted her to console me. I just wanted to be near her. Poor woman was just going through a traumatic divorce and there was I mooning over her like some love sick teenager."

"Was she aware of your feelings." asked Doctor Stanhope.

"I'm not sure; possibly? I was barely aware of them myself... at that point. Well anyway, Bianca's mum disappeared and JR showed up with AJ, my son; right out of the blue. In the end the whole thing sort of became a family vacation with me, JR, AJ, Bianca and the girls. That was when I decided to take a step back. I shouldn't be crushing on my friend just because we were close and it was safe. So I decided to reclassify it. It was a sisterly affection we shared and that was all. I think I handled it better when I looked at it in those terms."

"Were you uncomfortable with the idea of being in love with a woman?"

"Yes and yet I was anything but uncomfortable when I was with Bianca. I'd never felt like that about anyone before, man or woman. I just didn't really know how to face my feelings."

"So you decided to ignore them?

"No. I mean I didn't know what they were, not really. Maybe Bianca did notice. Sometime I think I was a bit too flirty or held her hand for a second too long, and she would stare at me with those big brown eyes of hers… but then the moment passed and we were friends again just doing silly things for the kids. I was probably confusing the hell out of her. It certainly confused the hell out of me."

Marissa pulled nervously at the corner of the cushion on her lap, once more mirroring an action of Bianca's.

"I noticed a difference in her behaviour after we were taken hostage by Ricky Torres and tied up. I was so frightened and Bianca was amazing. She had concussion, she had been attacked, she was terrified and there she was worried about me - and I didn't have a scratch on me! I did all I could to get her out of there. I had the overwhelming need to protect her. Oh my god, it nearly broke my heart when she told me about being raped. I think afterward I was a bit too protective. She started to distance herself, or pull away when I held her hand. I thought it was memories of our ordeal that were upsetting her. But then I realised the reason was me; I realised she was falling for me. Suddenly everything between us became a little awkward. I didn't want to acknowledge any change, so I took another step back. I decided I would give JR a chance to prove himself and hopefully Bianca would see that I just wanted to be her friend."

"And is that what you wanted?"

"At the time, yes. I had convinced myself it was all just a sisterly affection that made us so close. I was making a huge effort not to see what was really there because I was petrified by it. If there was a chance Bianca felt the same… It was very confusing because I didn't know how Bianca felt really, she kept pushing me towards JR and he kept doing all these thoughtful romantic things until I didn't know what I was doing, what I was feeling. I just tried to make everyone happy."

Marissa sighed.

"It didn't really work. JR was so thoughtful and bought me the most amazing gifts. He was a changed man, or so I thought at the time. And yet still I was drawn to Bianca. Still I couldn't stop myself taking her hand, inviting myself on holiday with her. I convinced myself this was perfectly normal behaviour for two best friends."

"So ?"

"So… Bianca told me she was attracted to me. If she had told me she loved me, if she had just pulled me into a kiss I think I would have handled it better. But it was the way she said it, 'It's nothing big, I don't expect anything but just to let you know I'm attracted to you'. It was like an admission and a rejection all in one. I can't remember what I said exactly, I know I back tracked a lot and I didn't deal with it very well. I ran back to JRs bed because it was safe there and I believed he loved me."

"You ran away?" asked Dr Stanhope, remembering Bianca describing doing exactly the same thing.

"I know and yet I couldn't stop thinking about Bianca and about how I felt about her. Why I ran away. Then the very next day there was Bianca with another woman, going on a date no less. I was… I was jealous and Bianca's new girlfriend straight out asked me if I was in love with Bianca and that freaked me out even more, I had no idea it was that obvious. It was such a mess. It was becoming clear that Bianca was ashamed of being attracted to me and was trying to pretend it didn't matter when I knew in my heart it did – so I ran away again."

"You thought she was ashamed?"

"What else was I to think? Why else would she keep pushing me to JR, why…oh why would she coach him on how to make me happy? She was the one behind the music box; she was the one behind the comedy club and the picnic with the donuts and orange soda. When I found out I was so angry it felt like she had used our friendship to manipulate me so she wouldn't have to deal with her… 'attraction.'" Marissa added the quotation marks with her fingers in disgust, mostly at herself. "But now the more I think about it the more I know she only did it because she loved me. She did it was because she couldn't do it herself…" Marissa paused in thought for a moment. "And she told me so many times in so many ways – _the music box was from someone who really cared about me…"_

Marissa was lost in memories, her eyes brightened and her smile just beamed for a moment.

"She loves me. Bianca loves me and I'm scared. I'm scared because it means everything will change. I'm scared because I don't want to hurt my son, and if I break up with JR again it will break his heart. I'm scared because I've never been so in love in my entire life."

"It seems to me you know your heart pretty well." said Doctor Stanhope. "If it is time you need then I am certain Bianca will give it to you. All I can say is if the only thing holding you back is fear then I think you need to understand what you are afraid of. I want to leave you with this question. Why are you afraid to be in love?"

Marissa's brow furrowed at that and she sighed.

When the time was up, Marissa left, her smile a little more relaxed. Doctor Stanhope crossed his fingers again. He hoped it would work out for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Talking it Through - Part 3**

**Bianca returns with some good news.**

Dr Stanhope was smiling as he waited for his next appointment. Bianca Montgomery was due any moment and he was desperate to hear how things had developed between her and Marissa.

When Bianca walked in her head held high she eyes bright and big smile on her face he knew the news was good.

Bianca took a seat on the couch.

"She loves me." She said her smile growing even wider. "Marissa loves me!"

"That's fantastic." said Dr Stanhope, his smile growing too.

"I think I'm a little in shock." Bianca admitted. "One moment I was sure it was over and now… now everything is… wonderful."

"So why are you here?" asked the doctor, Bianca didn't usually make an appointment if there wasn't something worrying her.

"I think my heads still spinning a bit. I haven't been this happy since…" Bianca thought for a moment and then grinned again. "I can't remember when I was last this happy. It's all happening so fast right now, I guess I just want to slow it down so I can savour ever moment. She told me she loves me, then she told JR, Scott, her mom toasted us with champagne. Everyone knows were together and we haven't even had a date yet. I haven't even had a moment to tell her I love her too."

"You are worried that it won't work out?"

"No! Marissa is just perfect and very very sure about how she feels. I've never been in this position before. The one being pursued, I think if it were only the two of us it would be perfect but now there's an added complication."

"Are you concerned at how your children will take it?"

"No the girl's love Marissa and AJ is a sweetheart; he's more worried about his mom. No my worry is JR, Marissa's ex-husband. He is drinking again and that is never a good thing. He's taken it personally and I guess I can sort of see why but he's lashing out at everyone including his son AJ and it scares me a little."

"Go on."

"JR can be very self-destructive and if he ruins his relationship with his son because of this we could all end up in a bad place. Either JR will hurt himself or he will go after someone else, probably Marissa."

"Are you worried about your safety?"

"I'm worried about JR. I'm worried what he's doing to his son. I'm worried about what he could do to Marissa. I'm also worried about my girls… JR is the reason Reese gave up the custody suit, if he does something to persuade her to sue again… JR can be a self-pitying drunk or a mean drunk and when he gets mean he gets very mean."

"You are lost in the what-ifs and maybes again." Doctor Stanhope reminded her. "Are you happy with Marissa?"

"Yes, very happy." said Bianca, her smile returning.

"Is she happy with you?"

"Yes." said Bianca he smile widening again.

"Have you done your best to help to JR?"

"He won't listen."

"Then all you can do is hope for the best."

Bianca sighed, but didn't look convinced.

"I am going to ask you to do something that's goes against your very nature." said Dr Stanhope, taking her hand. "Bianca I want you to be selfish for once. You are in love – enjoy it! You can handle anything and everything the world throws at you, but you can't spend your life waiting for the bad things to happen. Just enjoy being in love."

Bianca nodded.

"I'm very happy for both of you." Dr Stanhope said finally.

"Thank you." said Bianca, her smile reappearing.

Dr Stanhope looked at the clock, they had only been speaking for a few moments. Bianca followed his gaze.

"Why don't we call it a day." He said. "I'm sure there is someone you'd much rather be spending an hour with. No charge – let's call it a wedding present!" he teased.

Bianca gave him a playful glare at the bad joke.

"I'll be sure to send you an invite." Bianca quipped as she left his office. She paused at the door her face suddenly serious again.

"I'm not sure I've ever thanked you properly for everything you've done for me."

Dr Stanhope sighed,

"Believe me Bianca seeing you as you are now, healthy, happy and in love is the best thanks you could ever give me!"

Bianca shy smile was as captivating as ever as she graciously accepted the compliment.

"And remember." finished Dr Stanhope, "I'm always here if you need me."

The End (until the next twist)


End file.
